So I plugged in my old ass ZBoard keyboard that I used back in my World of Warcraft days. It’s just some big empty keyboard that has interchangeable keyboard layouts that you can get specifically for certain video games. Right now I’ve got the standard keyboard layout snapped in. It’s loud as fuck… But I get some weird nostalgic satisfaction by typing on a clunky keyboard again. Makes me feel young **insert reminiscent face here**.
Once again, I’m very tired, but not enough to sleep. It’s 3:06 AM.
I got into bed and thought about how tired I was but couldn’t fall asleep. So I got out of bed and grabbed the keyboard, and set it up. Then I thought, “Well fuck… Now what?” Of course I had to break it in, so this was my best option.
My mom had her first chemotherapy session on Monday. She said it went well. She goes in for a biopsy tomorrow morning (technically three hours from now).
I’ve been watching Breaking Bad lately. Of course Walt’s cancer is much more serious than my mother’s, but–I don’t know–it makes me feel like I’m learning something about cancer… Like how to respond to my mother’s possibly eventual pain. I’m trying to be ready for when she’s too exhausted to do anything. She’s already been telling me that she notices fatigue.
Anyway, I tutored some lady’s two sons in math tonight. One’s a tenth grader; the other’s a seventh grader. They’re both well behaved kids. Sadly, they just aren’t grasping math. The older one is busy all the time with sports, and the younger one has ADD. They were both very cooperative tonight, however. I feel like the older brother understood a lot of what I was trying to tell him.
Whenever I try to tutor, I get flustered and go way to fast. I have to stop myself and ask the student if I’m making any sense at all. They both said they understood, but that could have just been because it was near 8 o’clock and they had both just gotten back from a long day of school/sports practice. Who knows?
I like tutoring though. Sure, getting paid is nice, but I like seeing people learn and making them feel a little less frustrated about something they might not understand. I let them know it’s okay that they don’t understand something. Hell, I was that way a LOT in high school. Practically all throughout English class.
This keyboard is getting old fast. It’s not even worth it because ZBoard most likely went out of business and the drivers are nowhere to be found online (for special buttons on the keyboard). Whatever.
My eyes are getting tired.
I just checked my bank account. Direct deposit is awesome. Taxes suck… Thank you, gov’t, for taking 20% out of my check. I love you too.
So I’ve started playing minecraft. I’m somewhat addicted. I’m partial to it because it’s both 8-bit and 3D. Also because it’s coded in Java, which is really the only programming language I can understand. If it crashes, it throws a “NullPointerException” and I sort of understand that! I got plenty of those this semester…
I just want to go back to school already… Steph might not be able to because of money. I’d like to help but I can’t. A while ago my mom said she’d be happy to sign off on her loans, but I don’t know how possible that is now; going through treatment and all.
Steph said that if it comes down to her not being able to go back to school in the Fall, she’ll enlist. That’s a scary thought. I mean, I have absolutely no idea how the military works and how likely it is that she’ll be stationed in a hostile environment, or if she’ll be stationed at all. Most of it is scary because I just don’t know what will happen to her.
If she can’t go back, her dreams will be crushed. She won’t get to come back a semester later. She could, but not back into the nursing program (which she loves). I see a long stretch of hard times ahead of us. Probably a lot of crying. But that’s okay. We’ll get through all that.
I’m fucking tired. I wish I could sit down and draw something awesome, instead of sit here and type away with a narrative that makes me sound schizophrenic or some shit. (Don’t worry, I’m not. I’m just really fucking tired)
On that note, I guess I’ll lay down. It’s 3:25 AM.